When the wounds are too deep for reconciliation and the only alternative is divorce, it's vital you care of yourself, both emotionally and financially. If you're moving forward with a divorce and everything seems off-kilter, follow these healthy mindsets to help get your life in order.
A Different Relationship
Just because you are divorcing does not mean the relationship is gone. Putting an "ex" in front of your spouse’s title does not mean he or she will disappear from your life forever. As you end your married relationship, a new divorced relationship is born, especially if you have kids together. You may no longer be married, but (hopefully) your ex is still an active parent. According to the American Psychological Association, parents who do not create a new, strong relationship with each other after a divorce are less responsive and less attentive to their children than they were before the divorce.
You Are Not Done Yet
If you have not signed the papers yet, take the time to consider your finances as they relate to the terms of the divorce. Sometimes people let their emotions get away from them. The hurt that lead to the separation is also the one that drives people to make bad choices just to be done. Rushing the process just for a sense of closure is a mistake. At some point, you are going to need the money that is due to you. The best advice here is to follow your attorney's advice. If maintenance is to be paid, put into writing who is responsible for paying the taxes on it. If you are going to need money upfront to find a new home, you may need to come up with a down payment. If you receive regular payments from an annuity or structured settlement, you may be able to sell your future payments for a lump sum of cash now.
Your family home may hold many bittersweet memories. When trying to keep the house, sometimes women make bad financial decisions. Keeping the house is only to your advantage if the equity in it is worth it. If you are trading your pension for it, then you may be making a poor financial choice based on sentimentality.
The Next Relationship
It is hard to think about your future love life when your current marriage is ending. Unfortunately, people who do not resolve first-marriage issues are more likely to bring them into a second marriage, according to the Journal of Marriage and Family. Start making a mental checklist of the things that you want in a future relationship. Make sure to state them in a positive manner. Learn what you can do to have a healthy relationship. As you work through the closure of your marriage, find ways to open yourself up to the opportunity of a better, richer romantic life.