Divorce is one of the hardest experiences you may encounter in life. You may feel like a failure. You may feel rejected. You may feel betrayed. You may feel everything is turned upside down...and more. To counter these unpleasant feelings, the first thought is to immerse yourself in things that make you feel better, even for a second-food, shopping, TV, Internet, alcohol-and the list goes on.
Brené Brown contends in Daring Greatly, "We numb the pain that comes from feeling inadequate and "less than". However, when we numb the pain of one emotion we numb everything. We can't selectively numb emotion. Numb the dark and you numb the light." Through numbing you may avoid your initial pain, but in the long run you will be cheating yourself from feeling happiness and joy and keep you stuck in "the numbing" place.
So, what can you do to get unstuck?
1. Feel What You Feel... Without Judgment
Accept where you are, but know that it is temporary. Let yourself feel what you feel, without judgment. Ask yourself, "What are you meant to learn from this experience and how are you to use it and move forward?"
2. Be Mindful of Your Numbing Patterns ... And What Triggers Them
"Take time to notice all the ways you numb yourself. Identify the emotions, people and situations that trigger them."
4. Accept That Difficult Emotions Are Uncomfortable ... But That This Is Also The Space For Growth
"Pain, hurt, anger, betrayal, sadness, loneliness ... are all difficult emotions to feel every day. They also challenge you to grow in ways you never could have imagined previously. Rather than choosing distraction or avoidance, embrace them. Own them so that they won't own you. You are stronger than you realize."
5. Let Go Of The Pain From The Past And Fear Of The Future...Be Present In The Right Now
Re-living all of the "should haves" from the past won't serve you. You are powerless to change it. Worrying about what you will or won't have in the future won't serve you...so, be present in the now. This is the time you need to focus on what you want to do with your life from this day forward.
In short, numbing yourself is self-sabotage. Once you accept where you are, you are in a position to make better decisions in your divorce. After all, from this learning and personal growth, you will be open for happiness beginning in the new chapter of your life.
To schedule your confidential half-hour consultation to meet with an attorney, call Stange Law Firm at 855-805-0595 or contact us online.
Source: Your Tango, Move Forward: 5 Ways to Stop Numbing Yourself Through Divorce, by Laura Miolla.