Divorce Is A Health Problem
Believe it or not, divorce is considered to be a major health problem. While doctors can predict the risk for major health issues such as diabetes, cancer, and heart attack, they are now trying to predict the risk for divorce, which accounts for 50 percent of U.S. marriages. The breakdown of a marriage can wreak havoc on one’s emotional and physical health. People in troubled relationships are more likely to suffer from anxiety, depression, and high blood pressure.
Historically, the medical profession has had little advice for preventing divorce but now there is plenty of new research that helps scientists discern what qualities lead to a lasting marriage or a divorce. For instance, eye-rolling after a spouse’s comment can be a strong indicator of divorce, whereas marriages with traditional gender roles are indicative of long-lasting marriages
Some of the findings, while they may seem obvious, run counter to how many marital counselors work, and thus, could force counselors to rethink their whole approach to couple therapy. John Gottman, a psychology professor at the University of Washington and a leading divorce prediction researcher (www.gottman.com), has videotaped thousands of couples and coded positive and negative facial expressions, body language, and comments. He and his colleagues have calculated that successful marriages have at least a five-to-one ratio of positive to negative interactions. When the ratio drops, the marriage becomes at high risk for divorce.
Strongest Predictors of Divorce
While it is not logistically possible in real life to tally the positive and negative displays, therapists say it’s essential to ramp up the positives after a negative occurs so the ratio doesn’t dip to dangerous levels. The strongest predictors of divorce are four negative qualities: contempt, criticism, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Couples should be aware of subtle negative facial expressions. Half of all marriages end in the first seven years, but a study in Family Process claims that another risky time for divorce is midlife.
The study followed 79 Bloomington, Ind., couples that had been married for an average of five years. Four years after the research started, 9% had divorced and by the end of the 14-year study, 22 couples, or 28% had divorced. The study showed that the couples that divorced earlier were volatile and negative but the couples that divorced later had suppressive emotions. Those are the type of couples that sit in a restaurant and don’t talk. And they’re not aware they are at high risk for divorce because the early years were so tolerable.
Active Listening May Not Help
It has been shown that “active listening,” a traditional counseling method, doesn’t work because the spouse would repeat the complaint and say, “I hear what you’re saying.” Happily, married couples don’t respond that way. They take a gentler approach to starting a conversation and if an argument escalates, they know how to end it and repair the damage.
Traditional counseling also requires a couple to give up their idealized view of relationships and romance, but research has shown that the contrary is true: People with the highest expectations for marriage have the highest-quality marriages.
Another predictor of divorce is the influence the wife has on the decision-making process. In marriages at high risk for divorce, the wife has little to no influence over her husband.
Age can be another risk factor. There is a divorce risk for women who marry younger men but men can marry younger women without any risk factor.
Another huge factor is having children. Studies show that marital satisfaction drops by 70% in the first few years after having a child but later helps the couple stay married.
Finally, some marital arguments can’t be solved. One study interviewed a couple and came back four years later to find that the couple was still arguing about the same problems in the same way. This has led to what is called “acceptance” therapy, which encourages couples to accept their partners’ minor weaknesses instead of trying to change them.
No one wants to go through a divorce, however, if you are facing that situation Stange Law Firm, PC can help. Our firm handles only family law cases and has become proficient in getting our clients the best possible result.
Source: Can Eye-Rolling Ruin a Marriage? Researches Study Divorce Risk, By Tara Parker-Pope, The Wall Street Journal
