When parents divorce or separate, one of the most common ways they navigate custody arrangements is through co-parenting. Co-parenting is more likely to be successful when parents maintain a good relationship with each other and can navigate parenting in their children’s interests. Co-parenting is not the only option for parents after a separation, and a child custody attorney can help you determine what is ideal for your family.
Even when parents are amicable, co-parenting is not easy. Divorce or separation is not easy on children, and this can result in any number of responses from your kids. It’s crucial that you and your co-parent create a safe and healthy environment that allows children to work through their emotions with the support of both their parents.
Benefits of Good Co-Parenting
Co-parenting, when done well, can be incredibly beneficial for children. A child receives love, care, and support from both parents, and they can see that their parents are working together for their benefit. Co-parenting means that children have consistent rules and expectations from home to home and will likely feel more secure with each parent. Good co-parenting can benefit a child’s mental and emotional health in the long run.
How to Be a More Effective Co-Parent
If co-parenting is right for your family, the techniques will need to be unique to fit your family. There are some things you can do to benefit you, your co-parent, and your children and create a more effective co-parenting environment. These include:
Prioritize Your Children
It’s important to always hold your children’s needs and interests as your main priority. This includes remaining honest with your children to the level that is appropriate, maintaining strong relations with your co-parent, and ensuring that your children feel supported and loved. You want to encourage your child’s relationship with your co-parent, other family members, those in their school, and their community. Support systems are important to help your children after a separation.
Keep Children Out of Disagreements
Disputes between co-parents are going to happen, even in the most amicable relationships. You will not always agree on how to navigate this entirely new situation, and that’s okay. However, you should address and not bury these disputes. You should never overtly include your children in disputes, but failing to address them with your co-parent can result in resentment that can affect your children anyway.
Maintain Communication and Respect With Your Co-Parent
After a separation is complete and you and your co-parent begin to navigate your custody schedule, it is important to have set boundaries, expectations, and respect. Communication is essential for good co-parenting. Even when you and your co-parent disagree, be sure to focus on working together and being respectful.
If clear boundaries were not set when your parenting plan was made, set them now. This includes:
- Determining the decisions that each parent makes that the other parent does and does not have control over
- Deciding how drop-offs and pick-ups of kids are handled
- Figuring out how to navigate new partners
Depending on your relationship with your co-parent, it can be useful to restructure your relationship into a professional or business partnership, with the goal of your children’s well-being.
Get the Support You Need
A divorce can have its toll on you as well. It’s important to address the mental and emotional effects that a divorce has. A familial or friend support system, therapy, and groups for divorced parents can all help you navigate this difficult time. These can help you be a more effective co-parent.
FAQs
Q: What Do You Say to Your Child When You Are Separating?
A: This will be different based on your family’s unique situation, your child’s age, and their maturity level. It’s important to tell the truth and provide them with a basic understanding of the situation. However, you do not want to go into too much detail or get into the disagreements you and your spouse have. You want to avoid badmouthing your spouse; just stick to the facts. Tell your children that the separation is not their fault. If you and your spouse can, you should share the news together.
Q: What Should You Not Say to Kids During a Divorce?
A: You should not tell kids about the disputes that you and your spouse have or put them in a position where they need to choose one parent over the other. Talking critically about your spouse to your child, telling your child to pass messages along to your spouse for you, or questioning your spouse’s relationship with your child are all behaviors that hurt your child and put them in the middle of the disputes.
It’s also important to never say or imply that the divorce is the result of something your child did or didn’t do.
Q: Should Divorced Parents Spend Time Together With Their Child?
A: Whether divorced parents should spend time together with their children depends on the family. If co-parents are able to have an amicable outing with their children, this could be beneficial. However, it’s important to give some time for the divorce to settle, especially for younger children. Otherwise, a child may have a hard time coming to terms with the divorce if very little seems to have changed.
If parents cannot spend time together without arguing, it is more harmful than beneficial for their child to spend time as a family.
Q: Why Do Custody Battles Favor the Mother?
A: Although in the past there were laws enforcing the preference to give mothers custody, this is no longer the case, and custody cases do not favor the mother. Both legal and biological parents have equal parental rights, and the court will decide custody cases based on the child’s interests.
Each custody case is unique, and the court reviews several factors to determine the ideal custody arrangement that benefits a child. Each state has different legal preferences and looks at different factors. Some states prefer joint custody, while others prefer joint legal and sole physical custody.
Adapting to Your Custody Arrangement
As you navigate a new custody arrangement, you will likely run into challenges. If you need to modify or enforce your parenting plan, contact an experienced custody attorney at Stange Law Firm for effective legal support.
